FEAR

Fear of not being taken seriously. Fear of freedom and fear of light. Fear of being superfluous. Fear that you won’t love your enemy. Fear of not loving and fear of not loving enough. Fear that what you love will prove inconsequential. Fear of death. Fear of running out of time. Fear of things left unsaid. Fear of being forgotten. Fear that your transformation has gone unnoticed. Fear that you won’t be fully recognized. Fear that they won’t understand what all the fuss is about. Fear that you are too late. Fear that you never arrived.   With sincerity, effort,…

Recovery & Stigma​

I am a recovering alcoholic living with depression, generalized anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. This is not news, but it has been a long time since I have written directly on the topic so I thought I would refresh your memory. My sobriety date is February 11, 2014, and I am without relapse, slip, or any other reference to the use of mind-altering drugs. I lead a fulfilling life with a loving family and a fellowship of people I would do most anything for. I am honest, dependable, thoughtful, compassionate, and spend most of my time of service to others…

Death of a relationship | Continue

If I should be brought before you And am asked to skim the trees To recollect my fondest thoughts Amid a wasteland of memories I should dig deep the shallow trenches I will seek out every eye For my past bear’s strong resemblance To the ones I stand before And I will know a soft resistance As I push off from the shore I wonder how all of this will come to pass; How you and I will remember one another. I don’t sit with this for very long, for I know where my mind often leads me. I do…

Now is When the Sun Shines Brightest

“Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky  Lately, things have been going well. I am turning 32 sometime this afternoon, and I have no idea what to say. I have no idea where I am going and no news on tomorrow. What fascinates me is that even though I have no certainties in my life, I am completely calm. I write, and I do volunteer work – I am not ashamed of my life today, nor should I be. What I have found interesting is that throughout my entire life I always presented…

(un)comfortable

How does one change? Others often tell me how much I have changed. There has been a swift change in my perspective – an occurrence that ‘s hard to explain. I believe that to make radical changes in my life I had to make radical changes! It sounds simple, or at least, it seems simple. What is not so surprising is that in the past whenever I had claimed that I wanted to change something in my life I had always tried to find the easiest way to change. I was convinced, somehow, that I could make changes in my life by putting in…