I am one, and they are all

I know I cannot help it Someone asks me what the cost is, I close my eyes, relax my hands and stop What change did you expect? A search is on and you can’t get away from it. Ain’t that a six-inch stone in your wheel? Don’t you get the shakes when it’s gotten too late and the brakes on your door aren’t working? And the stove coils in your head are heating up an’ burning So you curse yourself and you assume someone out there is tricking you, someone out there is kicking you. That someone is caring too…

Death of a relationship | Continue

If I should be brought before you And am asked to skim the trees To recollect my fondest thoughts Amid a wasteland of memories I should dig deep the shallow trenches I will seek out every eye For my past bear’s strong resemblance To the ones I stand before And I will know a soft resistance As I push off from the shore I wonder how all of this will come to pass; How you and I will remember one another. I don’t sit with this for very long, for I know where my mind often leads me. I do…

MY HEART

“There are two things children should get from their parents: roots and wings.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe I don’t deserve to have the mother I do. I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way; Rather I find my mother to be such a rarity that it doesn’t seem fair to others that I ended up with her as my mother. Such is life I suppose, and instead of feeling guilt I am grateful to have this rarity in my life. I have always been a lot like my mother, the first similarity being our birthday. I often speak of our most…

Seeing Through the Fire

If you are anything like me you like to ask questions that are beyond our comprehension such as What is the meaning of life? Or Why am I here and what is my purpose? There is no satisfaction in asking these questions because we can never find satisfactory answers. Our curious minds often get the better of us and we are left with a feeling of confusion, doubt, and most damaging a feeling of failure. Because we cannot answer these questions that are beyond us anyhow we feel a sense of defeat or a lack of intelligence, both preposterous presumptions but both very real…

My Balancing Act

“If the world were to end tomorrow would you get wasted?” That was the question that got the table laughing and got a resounding “yes” in response from the others. I had just finished chairing a meeting at Bellevue hospital, speaking to those still in the terrifying grips of this illness so the others would have to excuse me if I didn’t share in their excitement. I wasn’t angered by the question nor did it change my opinion of those who answered it differently from myself. This hypothetical only has one thing to do with this essay: The question compelled me to…

Now is When the Sun Shines Brightest

“Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky  Lately, things have been going well. I am turning 32 sometime this afternoon, and I have no idea what to say. I have no idea where I am going and no news on tomorrow. What fascinates me is that even though I have no certainties in my life, I am completely calm. I write, and I do volunteer work – I am not ashamed of my life today, nor should I be. What I have found interesting is that throughout my entire life I always presented…

(un)comfortable

How does one change? Others often tell me how much I have changed. There has been a swift change in my perspective – an occurrence that ‘s hard to explain. I believe that to make radical changes in my life I had to make radical changes! It sounds simple, or at least, it seems simple. What is not so surprising is that in the past whenever I had claimed that I wanted to change something in my life I had always tried to find the easiest way to change. I was convinced, somehow, that I could make changes in my life by putting in…