Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.
– Fyodor Dostoevsky
I am a writer … a sober writer … a sober writer writing about life before sobriety and life in sobriety … a sober writer writing about life before death … a sober writer writing about fear and the unbearable world it creates … a writer with stories to tell.
The issues discussed herein strictly reflect my own experiences yet will still make some uncomfortable and that is by design. I am careful not to recommend or diagnose a way of living and am uninterested in telling others how to live. However, I am convinced that if the reader is honestly seeking the faults that lie within it will be easy to identify with my words and catch reflections in my experiences.
What is generally hidden from others is explored openly and honestly here in an attempt to elicit the shadow out of myself and the reader. Perhaps you yourself would sooner disguise some struggle you are facing to avoid any feelings of embarrassment or shame. You may even feel you are successful at hiding certain aspects of yourself, though most likely you, like me, are far less successful at hiding your demons than you wish to believe. You may consider that when one is hidden one cannot be helped, nor can they be of use to others. Successfully keeping one’s shortcomings hidden is a self-imposed impediment to one’s growth, usefulness, and happiness. Suffering in silence only increases the suffering and confounds those who care for the sufferer; It is an unhealthy way to cope with life. I hope to show that there is no weakness in admitting and confronting one’s shortcomings. My struggle and experience are well-documented within.
The more I create and write the further I trudge into my insecurities, my private life. I write candidly, honestly, and hopefully in a way that flows well and is easy for the reader to grasp. My work and understanding must be thorough or else I lose balance in life. I write to exercise and relieve my mind.
I have accepted that this life is a challenge, it is difficult, and there are no maps. I have accepted that most of this world is beyond my comprehension and, even more, is out of my control. Through my essays, I hope to illustrate and investigate methods of relinquishing the human will, freeing me from self-will, and releasing the desire for control and power.